Its 3 days before 2012 arrives and I'm still thinking on what the theme of my year should be. The theme for 2011 is "Making it happen in 2011".. Now that I think about it, I did some things that I've never done before. Some of the outcomes were positive, inevitably, some were negative. But in those negative outcomes, I got to know myself better- like how I can stick to my decisions no matter what, and of course, accepting defeat when beaten. Not everything that we want, we can get. Not everything we want is meant for us. Things and situations happen to us not only because God wants us to have abundance alone, but also lessons that will help us enrich our lives and improve our relationship with him.
I'm glad that I'm ending the year with a stronger relationship with the higher being. I understand him better because I take time out to get to know him. I trust him with all my heart and even though I still have fears of the things unknown to me, I know that he will always be there beside me to guide me. He's the only one who will never ever leave me. We do not own anything, not even ourselves. All things and everything is his. So we must always urge ourselves to share our blessings with others because he has blessed you to bless others.
That's only one of the things that have struck me about my new found knowledge and relationship with him. And that inspired me to make this years theme as simply: BE A BLESSING TO OTHERS.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I don't.
I Don’t Forgive You
Aug. 10, 2011
By Shakira Andrea Sison info
I don’t forgive you. And so I will stoke this grudge like a fire. I will huff on its embers and feed it kindling from leaves and twigs that have broken off branches and have been sucked of life by the sun, air and time. I will guard it and keep it red and glowing by fanning it with a hand you don’t know the sensation of holding. I will feel the heat of the flame on my face, one whose simplest forms you have yet to learn.
I will plant it like a tree and tend to it like a fragile little sprout. I will build a shelter around it and check the moisture in the dirt with the finger I’ve always wanted to press against your lips when you were saying words so mindlessly I doubt you’ll ever remember to regret.
I will sing to it my songs and water it with my tears, the ones you never saw or recognized. Maybe they were so commonplace they became ordinary, and therefore not worth your time. I will keep them in a jar whose lid I will unscrew on occasion, if only to hear the echo of my sob into its mouth.
It will grow like a child I’ve fed from my breast, who will take more and more space on my bed. I will whisper into its ear my sorrows until she learns to say it all back to me, hands tied. We will have conversations of disgust disguised as distance, and with these we will build a house that holds fires and vines and falling branches, and little monsters who share my likeness and my pain. Their lives will revolve around despising you and what you’ve done and everything I cannot forgive, all in a list that is everyday’s agenda of rage. I’ve numbered them, as they are many, complex and unruly. Their disorder is designed to hide the one that stands tallest out of all: my hatred for myself, for still allowing you to breathe and breed in me this way. TC mark
Aug. 10, 2011
By Shakira Andrea Sison info
I don’t forgive you. And so I will stoke this grudge like a fire. I will huff on its embers and feed it kindling from leaves and twigs that have broken off branches and have been sucked of life by the sun, air and time. I will guard it and keep it red and glowing by fanning it with a hand you don’t know the sensation of holding. I will feel the heat of the flame on my face, one whose simplest forms you have yet to learn.
I will plant it like a tree and tend to it like a fragile little sprout. I will build a shelter around it and check the moisture in the dirt with the finger I’ve always wanted to press against your lips when you were saying words so mindlessly I doubt you’ll ever remember to regret.
I will sing to it my songs and water it with my tears, the ones you never saw or recognized. Maybe they were so commonplace they became ordinary, and therefore not worth your time. I will keep them in a jar whose lid I will unscrew on occasion, if only to hear the echo of my sob into its mouth.
It will grow like a child I’ve fed from my breast, who will take more and more space on my bed. I will whisper into its ear my sorrows until she learns to say it all back to me, hands tied. We will have conversations of disgust disguised as distance, and with these we will build a house that holds fires and vines and falling branches, and little monsters who share my likeness and my pain. Their lives will revolve around despising you and what you’ve done and everything I cannot forgive, all in a list that is everyday’s agenda of rage. I’ve numbered them, as they are many, complex and unruly. Their disorder is designed to hide the one that stands tallest out of all: my hatred for myself, for still allowing you to breathe and breed in me this way. TC mark
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Five Lessons About How To Treat People
Five Lessons About How To Treat People
-- Author Unknown
1. First Important Lesson - "Know The Cleaning Lady"
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. Second Important Lesson - "Pickup In The Rain"
One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.
A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3. Third Important Lesson - "Remember Those Who Serve"
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "50¢," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "35¢!" she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.
When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4. Fourth Important Lesson - "The Obstacles In Our Path"
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - "Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."
5. Fifth Important Lesson - "Giving When It Counts"
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?".
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
-- Author Unknown
1. First Important Lesson - "Know The Cleaning Lady"
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. Second Important Lesson - "Pickup In The Rain"
One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.
A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3. Third Important Lesson - "Remember Those Who Serve"
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "50¢," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "35¢!" she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.
When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4. Fourth Important Lesson - "The Obstacles In Our Path"
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - "Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."
5. Fifth Important Lesson - "Giving When It Counts"
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?".
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
I forget myself.
Another year has passed. I look back to the younger version of me and i get filled up with loss and envy. i was doing what i wanted that time. the love of my life- teaching. but as people grow up, they are subjected to do things that need to be done rather than what they want to do. the need to sacrifice comes in, in order to achieve goals. the big picture is more dominant than that of the everyday snapshots of life.
maybe this is what growing up means. its not about how old you are, but how willing you are to live up to the things that you have to do in order to achieve something for the greater good.
I need to go back to the old, ambitious, ready-for-battle, speaking-my-mind activist me. I miss that version of me. I have to make my way back. I can't let myself forget. Because if I do, I'm not just sacrificing, but compromising myself, my beliefs, and my dreams for a better world. I can't let that happen just like that because all this, is what makes me, me.
maybe this is what growing up means. its not about how old you are, but how willing you are to live up to the things that you have to do in order to achieve something for the greater good.
I need to go back to the old, ambitious, ready-for-battle, speaking-my-mind activist me. I miss that version of me. I have to make my way back. I can't let myself forget. Because if I do, I'm not just sacrificing, but compromising myself, my beliefs, and my dreams for a better world. I can't let that happen just like that because all this, is what makes me, me.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Good friends = good times = good life.
|When you surround yourself with all things beautiful, you too may become as beautiful.|
*Thanks Missy and Kim for taking time to see me today*
I admit it.
I'm not in a good place in my life. I feel like I'm the epitome of a work-in-progress.
I have a dream, yet I don't have it yet. Its officially on hold as of this moment. I have become a different person, in my opinion, a better person, in doing my previous job. But now, I am literally lost.
I am still finding my footing in this whole new world I entered quite hesitantly. But being a believer that I am, I leaped into the moment and hoped that I'm here because of a greater plan. After a few weeks, I feel like a weakling.
My values, my principles, my faith are being tested. And I'm holding on to a thread, afraid of slipping into the dark abyss.
I wish this was all a dream, a nightmare, and any minute I'd wake up.
I miss little children's voices filling my ears in the morning.. I can almost hear you now...
*Thanks Missy and Kim for taking time to see me today*
I admit it.
I'm not in a good place in my life. I feel like I'm the epitome of a work-in-progress.
I have a dream, yet I don't have it yet. Its officially on hold as of this moment. I have become a different person, in my opinion, a better person, in doing my previous job. But now, I am literally lost.
I am still finding my footing in this whole new world I entered quite hesitantly. But being a believer that I am, I leaped into the moment and hoped that I'm here because of a greater plan. After a few weeks, I feel like a weakling.
My values, my principles, my faith are being tested. And I'm holding on to a thread, afraid of slipping into the dark abyss.
I wish this was all a dream, a nightmare, and any minute I'd wake up.
I miss little children's voices filling my ears in the morning.. I can almost hear you now...
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Who needs a boost? I do!
A good friend was convincing me to try applying to work for international schools.. even try applying abroad.. although I know I'm not ready yet, it was a good thought to consider. I mean, what have I got to lose?
He mentioned a curriculum that I've never heard before.. so when I got home, I researched on it and found it quite interesting. Interesting enough to get me to actually start applying in a school that uses that particular curriculum. I have no guarantee that I'm gonna get a call back.. I just want to see if they would deem me worthy even if I'm still in the process of completing my masters... I'm hopeful though, I think this is one thing that would give me the boost that I need.
What interested me to it is that it has a more in-depth approach in learning. Aside from that, they have programs that opens the eyes of the kids and make them aware of not only what society does for them, but in return what they can contribute to society. they have activities that respond to the needs of the community that they are part of, which hit me pretty hard, that's why it made me want it bad to be a part of that school. I think it's something that can really make a child a more rounded individual, with a broader perspective in life. I mean that's the hope right. That's why we're doing what we're doing as teachers after all.
He mentioned a curriculum that I've never heard before.. so when I got home, I researched on it and found it quite interesting. Interesting enough to get me to actually start applying in a school that uses that particular curriculum. I have no guarantee that I'm gonna get a call back.. I just want to see if they would deem me worthy even if I'm still in the process of completing my masters... I'm hopeful though, I think this is one thing that would give me the boost that I need.
What interested me to it is that it has a more in-depth approach in learning. Aside from that, they have programs that opens the eyes of the kids and make them aware of not only what society does for them, but in return what they can contribute to society. they have activities that respond to the needs of the community that they are part of, which hit me pretty hard, that's why it made me want it bad to be a part of that school. I think it's something that can really make a child a more rounded individual, with a broader perspective in life. I mean that's the hope right. That's why we're doing what we're doing as teachers after all.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Back from a Whirlwind of Randomness
Just got back from the Land of Freedom..? Did I get that right, I don't even remember. I just recall the lady from Jim Thompson saying that line.
Mind was so at ease this whole time. Each day had no plans. Each day was just waiting there for us. Each day, we were free to write the events that would be happening. On our schedule, on our own timing, no pressure. Loved every bit of it. The newness of the place, my unfamiliarity with the language.. being in a place where you can just be. the fact that no one will recognize you, that seems to be my preference when I want to be alone.. when I want to recharge.. when I want to reset.
This trip has taken a lot of stress from me. And replaced it with sheer carefree-ness, if there is such a word.
No stress from trivial things. Focus on the only things that matter. That's the key to worry-free living. We can do without all the self-inflicted stress. Just do it. Just be. Things will work out. Just trust in that.
Now, I'm just me, letting myself be.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
On a high.
I'm in such a total high from that big leap I made yesterday and I can't wait about what to do next!
I already swore to my friend that we'd have our ears pierced together in about two weeks!!! So exciting.
After that.. I'm thinking I'm gonna go on and get that tattoo!!! Look at what I've decided to get...
I already swore to my friend that we'd have our ears pierced together in about two weeks!!! So exciting.
After that.. I'm thinking I'm gonna go on and get that tattoo!!! Look at what I've decided to get...
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Leap of Faith
When you find yourself one day, lower than the lowest state you thought possible, there is nowhere to go but up. Keep the faith. Don't lose the hope.. Because you will never ever know when life will take you by surprise.
You want your two eyes open when God gives you the answer to all those questions you've been longing to ask. And you know what, God knows best. He knows what can get you back up on your feet. And it happens in the weirdest of days, in the most unexpected moments.
that's why it's just so hard to give up on life. because although it can hurt you like a bitch, it will always always bring back your desire to live it.
Today I'm so excited to say that I made a very big leap. It's excruciating not to shout to the world how free I feel. Even if I'm not there yet, my body, my mind and my heart, are already there. It's like they are already there waiting for my arrival. I feel like this could be one of the craziest things that I've done in my 27 years of existence.. but you know what, I vowed to make things happen in 2011 and now I'm doing it. Positive Articulation. By repairing myself first, I can give more to others when I'm finally fixed. I can't wait!!!
xoxo
You want your two eyes open when God gives you the answer to all those questions you've been longing to ask. And you know what, God knows best. He knows what can get you back up on your feet. And it happens in the weirdest of days, in the most unexpected moments.
that's why it's just so hard to give up on life. because although it can hurt you like a bitch, it will always always bring back your desire to live it.
Today I'm so excited to say that I made a very big leap. It's excruciating not to shout to the world how free I feel. Even if I'm not there yet, my body, my mind and my heart, are already there. It's like they are already there waiting for my arrival. I feel like this could be one of the craziest things that I've done in my 27 years of existence.. but you know what, I vowed to make things happen in 2011 and now I'm doing it. Positive Articulation. By repairing myself first, I can give more to others when I'm finally fixed. I can't wait!!!
xoxo
Monday, January 3, 2011
how to make 2011 a better year than the last.
It's been two years now, that I start the year battered and bruised. And I don't think I'd want a third. So this brings me to the point where I look back on what has gone wrong before and to acknowledge the mistakes that I've made.
These are the things NOT to do in 2011:
1. Believe that fairy tales happen in real life. Hello, they are called fairy tales for a reason.
2. Jump to conclusions, make assumptions or make impulse decisions about anything or anyone. Take time to know the person and also consider ALL sides of the situation.
3. Think too much of what other people will think when you do something that really makes you happy. You are living your own life and they can live theirs the way that they want it.
4. Give up on lifelong dreams. They can come true any day now...
5. Buy expensive and unnecessary things. The time has come to save up. We are not getting any younger and as long as we have plans in the future, it is safe to have some money saved up.
6. Deprive yourself of vacation. If you can afford it, go for it. If you can't always remember that sometimes, vacation can be a state of mind.
7. Only think about yourself. Widen your perspective. You'll see that there is a much bigger world out there.
8. Listen to other people's negativity. Control your own thoughts. Fill it with positive ones.
9. Be lazy. Time is still as valuable as gold. Do as many things as you can in any given time.
10. Be afraid to try new things, may it be sports, restaurants, places to go to.. You will never know what you're missing.
11. Say everything that pops up in your head. Discretion is key. And, if you have nothing good to say, SHUT UP.
12. Lose your temper easily. Just breathe in and out. Then proceed with a smile.
13. Forget to pray. And to always thank God for all the blessings that he has given and is still giving you.
14. Be ashamed to tell people that you love them. Tomorrow might not come. And it will only be a big regret.
15. Hold on to negative feelings. It will just bring you down. And other people around you as well.
16. Give your trust too easily. Because even though there is goodness in everyone, let's admit that most of them will gladly take advantage of you.
17. Be swamped with work, school and everything else. Give yourself fifteen minutes each day not to talk to the Lord, but to just LISTEN.
18. Compare your life with others. God has plans for EACH ONE of US. And what's yours is the best for you. Trust him.
19. Take your friends for granted. Keep only the few good friends. Quality trumps quality. All the time.
20. Stop yourself from falling in love.
These are the things NOT to do in 2011:
1. Believe that fairy tales happen in real life. Hello, they are called fairy tales for a reason.
2. Jump to conclusions, make assumptions or make impulse decisions about anything or anyone. Take time to know the person and also consider ALL sides of the situation.
3. Think too much of what other people will think when you do something that really makes you happy. You are living your own life and they can live theirs the way that they want it.
4. Give up on lifelong dreams. They can come true any day now...
5. Buy expensive and unnecessary things. The time has come to save up. We are not getting any younger and as long as we have plans in the future, it is safe to have some money saved up.
6. Deprive yourself of vacation. If you can afford it, go for it. If you can't always remember that sometimes, vacation can be a state of mind.
7. Only think about yourself. Widen your perspective. You'll see that there is a much bigger world out there.
8. Listen to other people's negativity. Control your own thoughts. Fill it with positive ones.
9. Be lazy. Time is still as valuable as gold. Do as many things as you can in any given time.
10. Be afraid to try new things, may it be sports, restaurants, places to go to.. You will never know what you're missing.
11. Say everything that pops up in your head. Discretion is key. And, if you have nothing good to say, SHUT UP.
12. Lose your temper easily. Just breathe in and out. Then proceed with a smile.
13. Forget to pray. And to always thank God for all the blessings that he has given and is still giving you.
14. Be ashamed to tell people that you love them. Tomorrow might not come. And it will only be a big regret.
15. Hold on to negative feelings. It will just bring you down. And other people around you as well.
16. Give your trust too easily. Because even though there is goodness in everyone, let's admit that most of them will gladly take advantage of you.
17. Be swamped with work, school and everything else. Give yourself fifteen minutes each day not to talk to the Lord, but to just LISTEN.
18. Compare your life with others. God has plans for EACH ONE of US. And what's yours is the best for you. Trust him.
19. Take your friends for granted. Keep only the few good friends. Quality trumps quality. All the time.
20. Stop yourself from falling in love.
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