When you're beat.. learn to concede.

I've been a fighter. I've never been a quitter. But I'm not stupid. I'm not insensitive. Though nearly numb.

I will fight for you as long as there's fight in me. A chance, I see, that there's hope for you and me. Until now, I've been waiting for that sign and until now, I still haven't seen it. I'm trying to be patient here, but everything has limits.

This is mine, right here.

I did try.

I'm done. We're done.

Trying to.

Our little secret just might be the kind of thing that you can’t hide
It’s growing like a tangled vine & rising like a river in the tide
And everybody knew when you walked into the room
I was just a fool for you, nothing I could do
Everybody sees you taking control of me
Well I’m not begging for release
I’m just begging darling please, please

Act naturally
Don’t let our troubles show
Don’t let anybody know
Till we get it figured out
Don’t give them anything that they could doubt

Our little problem doesn’t seem to be about to go away
As far as I can tell it’s gonna keep on showing more with every day
And everybody look, yeah, that was all it took
I can’t help believing they can read me like a book
So hide your feelings tight till we figure how to make it right
I don’t know what I should but i
Would do it if I could

Act naturally
Just be you beautiful
Just be you casual
I’ll be me before the fall
You be you before this all came down
(act naturally)
Don’t let our troubles show
Don’t let anybody know
Till we get it figured out
Don’t give them anything that they could doubt
Act naturally (remove this line)
Just be you beautiful
Just be you casual
I’ll be me before the fall
You be you before this all came down

There is more to this count-up than the eye can see.

13 days.

It took 13 days for things to go back to how they were.

I only had hopes for this. It's not at all disappointing, I guess I saw this coming.

I said let's see, and that's what I'm doing. Seeing.

Kids have reason to be childish

Children never fail to disappoint.

When you have a bad day, just a hug. Just a smile from them. Just a kiss. When they say a word that they have never said before. These are the instant pick-me-uppers only kids can give.

They are children. Hence, the word, childish.

If you are not a child, you are permitted to be childish once in a while. But not all the time. And we have to make sure that someone is there to pull us back to our mature selves, cos if not, we're just big children running around the city, pretending to be adults, but really we're not.

All of us will have a specific time to actually grow up. Cos maturity definitely does not come with age. it's a choice.

A question, then a follow up question, then another one...

Why do politicians keep their focus on passing new bills or laws when we have tons but aren't implemented correctly or at all?

Shouldn't we put more emphasis on pushing for law implementation rather than creation of new laws?

If ever, why not add or improve already existing laws in order to ensure that it is still applicable in the present time rather than just that time when it was passed?

I wonder why up to now, jeepneys can still go around the metro without headlights, why they still can just stop in the middle of the street and unload passengers? And to think, this does not even concern the law but common sense and courtesy to other people.

Argh. Not to mention, motorcycles who think that they are exempted to basic rules and regulations. BASIC is the operative word here. C'mon!!!

Sometimes, driving gets so frustrating it's not even worth it.

Running a race with Time.

Countless days have passed. I can't even remember. The last time I felt.. uhh.. "zest"(?) for living. It seems time was literally going too fast that I can't even enjoy the ride. Life is a ride, enjoy it. I've been a believer of this ever since I decided not to stress too much on things that I can't control. But this is a whole different situation, this is a situation that I don't even know how to deal with. It's like I'm at a total loss..

I remember, the other day, I was about to fall into a deep sleep. I was dreaming as early as that. I was in a car and I was driving, driving hella fast. And I closed my eyes, without my control. So I could not see a thing! I just know that I was going way too fast and I wasn't slowing down. I tried to open my eyes but my eyelids would not follow my command. I was scared for my life. Even if it was in the dream. I mean would you wanna die in your dream?? I think no one would want to. The odd thing about this is that I knew that it was a dream. And I was thinking aloud to myself that I had to move my arm in my real life to jerk me out of that dream before I was dead!!! I didn't know how my mind made it happen but it happened and I was breathing heavily when I woke up. It made me not sleep again for a while.

That's how I feel right now. This very moment, this very minute. Up to this second, I know time goes by so fast and I want to soak up every moment of it. I have tons to do but I cant let those stop me from enjoying my life.

Procrastinating. That's what I'm doing. And I know this. Still I'm not doing anything about it. That's why everyday I keep wishing for some time alone. In a beach with no distractions. Just me, a good book, good weather, with peace and quiet. And if anybody would want to spend time with those too, then they're welcome to join me. But I need time to recharge. I'm getting emptied out. I know this is bad, but if I stop, it's like stopping in the middle of a treadmill run, I know I'm gonna slip and fall and I cannot afford that, I think.

Wooooozah. woooooozah. Need time. I have it. I'm just always chasing it. It's pretty tiring. If only the effects of all that chasing would manifest in real life, I'd be totally hot! Hahahaha!

This is what makes me do my job

Assessment week is halfway done.

Learning is such an integral part of being a teacher, because not only do you impart knowledge and show children the how things around them work, but everyday you learn something new that the kids have taught you, or it can also be that the children may have contributed in the universe's plot to teaching you that something.

Its such an indescribable feeling to have when you see your student show you that he knows something you never thought he knew before. You'd realize that that kid who was just sitting quietly in the corner while all his other classmates play and socialize with each other, are just taking in everything that he sees around him. It's such a damning feeling to know how much influence you have on young children.

It makes me think, that so much responsibility is placed on our shoulders when we agree to care for young children. why do we do it? because we want to contribute. our little effort can go a long way. it may be a long time before we see its effects, but the fact that we know that we did something, just makes every morning worth waking up to.

I am back to happy.

Life is..

...full of opportunities to have a change in perspective.

...always has a funny way of showing you the right way to go.

...filled with surprises that can literally leave you utterly speechless.

...caught up with its own timing and pacing.

...like a preschooler. it has the temperament of a child who is as if solving an unsolvable puzzle.

"You had me at Pinky Swear."

Haha.

Just reading it makes me smile and utter the words, "I cannot believe.."

I never thought it was that long ago since he felt that way. It's weird. Haha. I was so clueless.

I have a lot of things to be thankful for. I know that. But sometimes I forget. Words like these make me get right back on track.

Love my life.

I WANT TO BE A TEACHER!

This is the mantra that I say to myself whenever I find myself overwhelmed with all the things that I have to do in the preschool and whenever homework surges in from grad school. How the hell can I have a life then?

But, I know, that if life was easy, then everybody would be happy. If studying and teaching at the same time were easy, then everybody would be doing it. It can be difficult to balance, but its relatively doable. There are times that we need to remind ourselves why we're doing what we're doing, so even if the road is hard on you, you can struggle out of it and proceed. we can't easily let go of our lifelong dream just because its hard one time.

Be stronger than you think you are. Extend more patience than you think you have. We are not perfect, there would be days when we feel weak, powerless and our temper is short, but let's not let that happen everyday of our lives. if not, what a sad life that must be to lead.

Think of what you can do not only for yourself but also for others. It's okay to plan for tomorrow, but it's not okay to let today go and not live in the present. Cos we never know when our tomorrows might end.

You Know Me Best.

God has plans for us, I believe that. But its always better than the best scenario you have imagined it to be. God knows you better. He knows you more than you know yourself apparently.. because he knows what you want even before you realize that its that particular thing that you want.

It can get confusing, since its masked by vague words and ideas. but seriously, think about it. when was the last time you bugged him about giving you something. As you wait and you wait for that moment to come, and he gives you something else, something that is so unexpected. It can be a disappointment but soon you will realize that all along, this is what you needed. And you wouldn't have given it a second thought if God did not give it to you in the first place.

Lesson of the story is, if there is one is Learn to Trust Him. He knows Best.

Cheers to my 27th year.

Trix

So lucky to have found...

The loves of my life!

I love you guys! You made me believe that I was caught up in the wrong generation. :)

Most meaningful birthday present

Me on my birthday with fabulous friends!

This year, I realize that God has given me the best gift. And, he gave it to me months and months before my actual birthday! He has such impeccable timing I guess.

This gift is the GIFT OF EMPTINESS. The feeling of emptiness, being empty, makes us feel desperate to reach out for someone. Oftentimes, we reach out to him. He would never refuse your plea of help, but he would give that help in his own time. I knew it then and right now, I believe it more than ever. And this belief has gotten strong through out the months and months of questioning and of longing to get an answer. Of course I know that I would just have to learn to trust, to let go of something that I cannot control, which painstakingly I learned.

Now that I'm another year older and yes another year wiser, I really believe I've grown much more in the last few months, than in the some of my earlier years. I'm so content and happy with what I have now, with where I am right now and I honestly couldn't ask for anything else.

I love this feeling.

I'm H.O.M.!

Yesterday I attended the orientation to finally become a part of the organization Hands On Manila. I've been meaning and longing to be a volunteer ever since.. if I'm correct, Ondoy days. I can still remember, back then I wanted to become a Red Cross volunteer, so that when there are disasters like that, I can help and contribute to something instead of simply watching the news doing nothing. I've been yearning for some sort of service and I don't know where it came from exactly, but I am not questioning it. I'm simply glad I have this drive to be able to help in one way or another.

For this particular organization, before they actually let volunteers participate, they have to undergo the process of orientation wherein they brief you on what it's all about, what it aims to do and how to go about it. Its like the discussion of the FAQs for their organization which was very helpful. I now have an idea on their various activities and help out in any of them, in whatever way I can and when I am available. Its so convenient since most of their volunteers are yuppies like me, they made sure that it's only fitting since their schedules must be crazy.

I am so excited to actually get deployed, but I know this excitement is a novelty for now. I want to do a lot in my head right now, but I plan to take it one activity at a time. I'm contemplating on the Mentoring activity which will involve 5 consecutive Saturdays, the Breakfast Club wherein you share breakfast with street children or the Saturday Academy, all of which are easily doable and very interesting.

If you wanna know more about this organization, please check www.handsonmanila.org.

All I need : My Very Own Happy Place

The school's team building was held in a fabulous beach house in LAIYA Batangas. Seriously, I thought it had the best beach that's only a road trip away.. based on the reviews I hear about this place. But were we surprised when we got there. It wasn't the BEST beach, but the place we stayed at, was absolute perfection.

It is literally my dream to own a house that's right by the beach front. Seriously. But I know that it's something I can live without. But this place is really impressive, the theme of the house and it follows through to the tiniest detail as the shell lights in the porch area. The image is embedded in my head like a happy place I need to think about whenever I feel bad vibes.

The paintings all around the house, the shells on the wall, the submarine type windows and the list goes on and on. This house for me was perfect. I shot some of these minute but very cute details of the house.








If only I could stay there longer, I would. But the novelty of being in a place like this with only limited time is part of the fun. I just wish when we need to get away yet again, we can crash and lie around on the beach.

A Tiny Step Towards Free Education

For my birthday, I decided to do something. Something concrete and out of the ordinary. Yes there was a time my family threw a party for underprivileged children and many people have done that just the same. This year I want something more than temporary happiness, temporary smiles. I thought since other people are doing their fair share of contributing to temporary happiness, I want now to focus on contributing to long-term growth and development. This may lead to lifelong achievement and contentment, thus happiness.

Thanks to the help of a parent that I've met the past school year. She hooked me up with an organization that I can help. I want my experience not only to be memorable for me, but also for the children who are to benefit in this effort that I am pushing for.

My plan is to donate new story books in a community that can be of help to the children who are not able to go to school because of lack of funds. They should not suffer being uneducated because their life is tough. The government is responsible to educate the children of the nation and since they are doing a suck-y job, I think I can do something to be able to lessen the possibility that they will grow up uneducated.

Through this books, at this early age, they can jump start their literacy.Of course we cannot rely on that alone, but we need to guide them to internalize the stories in the books that they will be reading. And to maximize this, I want to push for literacy-based curriculum. Me and my friend Kim did a report on it last term. Its a kind of curriculum that is centered on story books. In the story, the teacher can infuse concepts such as vocabulary, math, social studies etc. This can help children broaden their horizon, to think in a much larger perspective than when it's done in the traditional classroom. I am really hoping that this way, we can develop children to be inquisitive and broad minded. This is the kind of children we need for the next generation. To be able to help them become what they should be in the future, there is no better time to start than now.

If you want to help me on this project, feel free to post a comment and we'll talk. :)

Babe I Love You

I just watched this movie starring Sam Milby and Anne Curtis.

Yes. I am quite a sucker for Filipino love stories. I don't know why since I am not a fan of local television shows. I just watch cable and news in the local networks. Other than that, you cannot catch me watching T.V., if not for my DVD series addiction.

There's this part where Nico (Milby) was doing his closing speech, where he narrated all his learning from his experiences in the whole movie, it goes:

"Everything has its time, nothing monumental is created in a blink of an eye. Architecture is just like real life, there's a place, reason and time for everything. But in the end, you're the one who puts everything together. You decide what fits. It's all up to you."

It's just so wise. I mean it really talks to you, whatever you may be encountering at this very moment. It can be the same or different from what other people are going through but it can still make sense. I love simple realizations like that. We don't really have to look for something big, but something rather small and often unnoticed can be really valuable sometimes.